Hot dogs are so predictable...

For all of you Sister Lyons followers out there... a couple of snippets from her most recent email. Her Tagalog is coming along extremely well... and her English spelling is getting really creative, don't you think?

"So this week has been another rollercoster. So let's get started. Sunday was amazing! For Relif socitey we usually have some one from one of the womans auxillerally board members come and speak to us, but this sunday we had Sister Wixom, the gerenal primary president. It was so good! She started off saying that 1 million primary children are praying for the missionaries, so we cannot fail. Isn't that so cute and so true! He whole talk was based off the primary song, "I am a child of God." She told us this is one of the most important messages we can share with the children. She challenged us to learn it in our language and then teach it to every child we meet. Because everyone needs to know they are loved and they have a loving heavenly father."

"So after this spritual high, Branch Pres came in our room and wanted to talk to me. He asked me to be the new coordinating sister. Whaaaa? That's what i said and you probably are saying the same thing, but more like what is a coordinating sister? It's basically the female zone leader/closest thing there is to a RS pres in the branch. It means I have to go to a ton of meething, do orientation of the new sisters, interview all the sisters, and report back to President Stott. Gah! I of couse said yes, but then felt extreamly underqualified and stressed. But no worries God loves and so all is well!"

"Sister Snow is still the best. She is doing so well with the language, and we taught our first lesson without any notes! English or Tagalog! It was one of the best lessons we have ever taught. We also added another investigator the week. We will be teaching on of the other companionships. That means we have 3 progressing investigators that we have to teach 2times a week... plus TRC. If I have done my math right that is a lesson a day! Ano byon! Anyway super cazy and super exciting!"

"Sister hoopes' sister went to Bagio on her mission (and her sister's first name is danielle, how epic) anyway sister hoopes said that after about a year her sister had to have someone make her a jacket because she was cold. So I am planning to send you my coat but keep my black cardigian with me. So I will just wear that to the airport. Let's pray for good weather. I do not have a backpack, but all the teachers say all you really carries is a Book of Mormom, your planner and a TON of water. We are required to drink a certain amount each day. Oh, and a hankerchif to wipe off the sweat."

Yay for handkerchiefs. Nay for hot dogs. How much do you think she'll be willing to pay for a hot dog once she realizes she's stuck with fish every day? 3, 4, maybe 12 completos? :) 

The Sister Missionary Diaries

In an attempt to protect the author of these writings, I have left out the "Hey mom, can you send me some more underwear?" style comments and have copied over what you've all been waiting for... excerpts from the Sister Missionary Diaries. Abridged, but unedited. Pure Danielle. Enjoy.

Welcome to the MTC... Her very first email...

"My companions name is Sister Snow. She is from Alberta Canada. She has so much energy and is so happy all the time, it''s great! We live in a doram room with 4 other sisters. So it''s like freshmen year, just with all of us in the same room. The first day was a whirlwind! I haven''t time to be homesick ever since. So no worries. They started in full Tagalog right away. No English. Crazy! It takes basically all day so I barely have time to think in english. But I think that is a good thing because I can pray, bear my testimony, and tell people where to find things in the scriptures. Tagalog is like a mix between spanish, samoan, and japanese. Funny story. Here we great people in our lauguage, so we say Kamusta! which sounds an aweful lot like como esta. The spanish elders look at us like were stupid and then when we answer back Mabuti! they just look confused. It is one of sister snow''s and I''s favorite things to do. Their faces are priceless."

I'm sorry for saying I'm sorry... I promise I'll never say it again...

"So to start off I want to share with you my new most embarrassing moment ever. It was just a great day all together I tripped on nothing and totally biffed it right in front of a whole group of Elders. Pretty sure I flased them on the way up and the way down. I also fell asleep during personal study which casued be to startle awake and drop my pen much to the amusment of my Elders. And then here comes the cake. So we were teaching Rodrigo (Our pretend Investigator) for the 3rd time. All in Tagalog. Anyway, he was telling us this whole sob story about his family... yada yada yada... when I decied to give him a heart felt we're sorry. Sorry in Tagalog is 'Pacensiya' (Pronounced pa-sent-cha) and out came.... wait for it... placenta. That's right I said as clear as day placenta. Good thing he was pretending or eternal savaltion down the drain! Anyway I turned bright red and my companion started businting a gut, so we just walked out. When we got back to class, all the Elders wanted to know why we were laughing so hard. Um... yeah. So finaly they dragged it out of us. Two busted up laughing. Two laughed because they felt awkward and then the other two laughed because everyone else was. Can you imagine the converstation they had that night? "Hey, so um... Elder... What's a... you know... a placenta?"  Classic!"

She's such a missionary!

"On to more spritual stuff. So a few days ago we sang God be with you till We Meet Again in tagalog. I almost started to cry. I had this feeling that someday I would sing this song for reals. As in the right words, but more importatnly with people that I love and will leave and probably not see them until the next life. I already miss people that I haven't even met yet. Also, Sister Snow and I taught the First Vision yesterday (without any books) for the first time. It was sweet to see how even simple phrases of broken tagalog can bring such a spirit into the room. But there really is power in saying, "I know that Joseph Smith saw God the Father and His Son Jesus Christ, and he resotred Christ gospel on the earth." Also reading the accont of the fist vision, even though I hardly understand anything, brings a feeling of excitment and the spirt. I am finding out the meaning of pure testimony even more and more here. That is because that's all I can say, but that is all that is needed. The language is hard, but they keep stressing the language of the sprit is the most important language to speak. Although sometimes I wish they had called me english speaking. But sister snow and sis hoopes both put no language. So The Lord send you where you are suppose to go. The language is really hard for sister snow (although she is doing better then she thinks) but I keep getting the feeling it will be ok. God will be with me and helping me."

And just a little extra snippet for fun...
"Mom, just so you know, I love your cooking. These past couple of days I have not felt like eating. (Don't worry I do, cause I'm starving all the time) I just miss your food and all the different flavor so much! While I like 19 year old boys, I do not like the food they eat. So thank you!"

Note: I hope Sister Lyons will forgive me for including her embarrassing moment in a blog for the world to see. For any potential blushing this post may someday cause, I am truly placenta. 

Unicorns and pansies

... And those were Danielle's famous last words before entering the MTC. She now currently resides in a bubble within a bubble within a bubble. And boy, is that bubble bound to be popped the second she feels the need to use a public squat toilet upon her arrival in the Phillipines.

I am sure that all of you brilliant Danielle Lyons blog-followers have been able to deduce that Danielle is no longer managing her own blog. You may have come to this conclusion by compiling several pieces of evidence that suggest it to be so. For example...

1) Danielle never speaks in 3rd person. She is not that arrogant.
2) Danielle knows how to post on a blog. I do not. So the fact that I may be writing this now and it has the chance of not even showing up on the internet anywhere where it is supposed to may also lead you to discern that Danielle is currently unavailable to help me with this technological trial.
3) Danielle is not allowed to use the internet. Or the radio. Or the phone. Or pants. Or steak. Because she is in the MTC.
4) Whoever is currently writing Danielle's blog in her absence has impeccable grammar and flawless spelling. That should have given it away immediately.

Although I will be managing this account and sharing secret snippets from Danielle's emails and letters for all her followers to see over the duration of these next 18 months, I have chosen to remain anonymous. My anonymity provides the opportunity for the reader to focus on the main character of this story. It also allows me to share most embarrassing things about the main character of this story without her ever finding out who it is that might have hacked into her most precious blog.

So... stay tuned. The toilet squatting, fish eating, endless sweating adventure has just begun. Calling all unicorns and pansies. Your assistance will be required.

That poet is dead...

“A man of my acquaintance once wrote a poem called "The Road Less Traveled", describing a journey he took through the woods along a path most travelers never used. The poet found that the road less traveled was peaceful but quite lonely, and he was probably a bit nervous as he went along, because if anything happened on the road less traveled, the other travelers would be on the road more frequently traveled and so couldn't hear him as he cried for help. Sure enough, that poet is dead.” 

-Lemony Snicket

I'm Leaving and Never Coming Back Again

(ok, only for 18 months but still)

I Will Miss

Sleeping In

Good Long Chats with my Sisters

FB Vents with Friends

Cafe Rio

Panda Express

Normal Food in General 

Mi Familia 

Wearing Pants

School

The English Language

My Friends

Sanitary Non-Squat  Toilets, People that Wash their Hands

But When It's the End of My Mission...

I Will Miss 

Having a Set Schedule

Good Long Chats with My Companions

Writing Letters

Fish

Rice

Strange Food in General  

Aking Mga Filipino Sa Pamilya

Pretty Dresses

Studying the Gospel in Such Depth 

My New Friends

All the Funny Moments 

I chose the road lest traveled in hopes some day all will follow. 

The Case of the Undefeated Lawyer

Before Law and Order and even before Matlock... there was another super-human lawyer, one of course that never lost and always caught the real murderer. Perry Mason. I don't know what it is about boys and Perry Mason (and Pawn Stars... but that will have to wait for another day), but my padre watches Perry Mason every night after the news and since living at home I have too... half-heartedly. It is really hard to tell characters apart when everything is in black and white. Through an (kind of)  intense study of this show I have discovered the real meaning of the law. I will now share this knowledge with you.

What I have learned from Perry Mason...

1. All the legal terminology. 

I object! (Me too!)

Counsel is leading the witness! (Blind leading the blind)

This evidence is irrelevant, inconsequential, and impartial. (Ok, I totally made up that last word, but it was another 'I" word) 

Did you or did you NOT murder this person? (Get straight to the point)

2. With a name like Hamilton Burger... you were born for failure.

3. Beware the seductive women. Whether she comes in the form of a wife, girlfriend, secretary (sexist stereotype), or lover, it doesn't matter... they usually did it. But don't worry, that chauvinistic pig of a man, who would never love them and who is now dead, had it coming! 

4. If it wasn't the seductive woman, it was the seedy looking man, who secretly either lent or embezzled  money to or from the deceased. Or was secretly in love with the seductive woman. Love triangles and money, the root of all evil.

5. It's ok to bend the rules if your client is innocent. (Hey, Mason is a lawyer, not a saint. What'd you expect?)

6. If you say, "Over my dead body!" or anything to that effect, be prepared for your character to be found dead in the next scene. You asked for it.

7. If you happen to run into the scene of the murder, don't run away or try to hide evidence... Call the police!

8. Oh, and don't touch anything, stupid!

9, Not following 7 or 8 can lead to your arrest for a crime you did not commit. 

10. So, if you DID happen stumble across a crime scene, put your fingerprints ALL over  the murder weapon, and then promptly ran away without reporting a dead body, just make sure Perry Mason is your lawyer... he only takes the innocent ones. 'Cause he never looses. You wouldn't want to ruin his perfect record.

Believe in God

Believe in God; believe that he is, 

and that he created all things, 

both in heaven and in earth:

 believe that he has all wisdom and all power,

both in heaven and in earth; 

believe that man doth not comprehend all the things 

which the Lord can comprehend. 

-Mosiah 4:9 

How Do You Do That James Bond Thing? OW!

"A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you."

-Elbert Hubbard 

So I've been having a heavy dose of nostalgia lately. Maybe it's because all my friends are in college and I am not right at the moment. Maybe because one of my best friends is currently living in Jerusalem and getting emails from her brings FLOODS of awesome and awkward memories back. Maybe it's because I just rediscovered freshmen and sophomore years' quote walls. Maybe it's because remembering the past makes me excited for the future.

In any case this WHOLE post is about memories that include Lottie. We've been friends for exactly two and a half-ish years... exactly. Freshmen year is another testament to me that God's hand has been leading my life. How else can you explain randomly signing up for housing and ending up meeting five of your best friends ever. (I have a lot of best friends, if you haven't figured that out by now). The first time I met Lottie I knew we were going to be friends. Our friendship can be logically categorized into seven areas...

1. Grocery Shopping
While I knew Lottie and I were bound to be friends, our first bonding moment was at Wal-Mart. It was just Court, Lottie, and me. Court is a very slow and indecisive shopper and Wal-Mart is a big store. So what did we do? Pestered Court together, found crazy outfits, and all-in-all reeked havoc. Insistent friendship.

We could never go to Macey's without coming back with a story and some chocolate chips. There was the time we payed for 60 cent ice cream cones with only pennies... and then the time we payed with a credit card. Not sure which time was more embarrassing.  Then there was the time we were waiting for another roommate at the front of the store, when we kept having to move to get out of people's way. The following conversation ended up on the famous quote wall...

Sorry... we're always in the way.

-me

Yeah....

-Randi Macey's Worker

To be fair to him, we hadn't even hear me and was answering someone else's question... it was just classic timing. 

The Creamery... so many memories. Midnight runs right before it closed, running from our gimpy roommate because we didn't want to buy her bread, and fake kissing stories that our roommates believed until the very last day of freshmen year. Classic.

2. People Watching in the Music Section in the Library

It should say studying...but...yeah... Anyway, we spent so much time there we could almost predict when people would show up. The mushy-recently-married-couple. The-worker-that-one-of-us-might-have-had-a-crush-on-and-it-wasn't-me. The-kid-in-our-ward-that-we-never-built-up-the-courage-to-talk-to. And many, many more. Every time Little Women or Rachmaninoff would come on, we would stop studying and just listen. And when we had been there waaaay too long we would chat over facebook or gmail chat. Come on! We were desperate! Oh, and have you ever eaten a PB&J sandwich and chocolate chips in front of the library security guard? Can you say food Nazis? Very tricky business.

3. Friday Night Activities

We usually ended up being the only ones home on Friday nights, so we made our own entertainment. Chick-flick marathons. Redecorating the apartment according to the season or holiday. Dollar movies. Window shopping at the mall. Getting lost looking for the Springville Wal-Mart. (How the heck did we end up on the wrong side of the free-way?) Making crepes or Better then... you know... cake. Eating Ben and Jerry's Half-Baked ice cream.  I think almost everything we did included ice cream. 

4. Interpretative Dancing 

Yeah... Finals really take it out of you.

5. Funny Quotes 

Just some of my favorites...

YOU'RE EATING POP-TARTS? (I swear she leaped up all of the stair in a single bound) 

Oh, I wish I was pregnant... because then I would have a reason my stomach is expanding.

Do you remember when we almost died here? I knew my time had come. (Ok, we weren't THAT close) 

There goes my life! 

(I really am not out to kill her, I promise!)

Danielle, I'm going to change my mind 

in about 10 seconds!

Now we'll all take turns beatting Danielle.

 (The violence goes both ways.)

If you ask me NOT to do something, I'm going to OBVIOUSLY do it.

(The title is also a famous quote of Lottie's. She was trying to be a spy and tumbled into the wall...) 

6. Story Time

Every day when we would come home we would always have to tell each other the funny stories that happened to us or when ever we would run into a cute guy. Most of our conversations started out, "Oh, my gosh! Guess what happened today!" We still email  back and forth anything semi-comical that happens to us. I always get giddy when I see I have an email from Lottie. Sometimes I squeal...

7. Late Night Chats

Freshman year Lottie had a designated space in Court and I's room. It was even taped off.... only Lottie could set there. Anyone else... pain of death! All three of us would stay up way too late and talk about everything. From boys to the gospel to stupid professors. My mom was actually kinda worried when we decided to become room roommates.... she was afraid neither of us would ever sleep. Ummm.... about that...

Lottie has decided to go on a mission. She will be awesome, because she already is. I mean, she's my friend right? Besides that, she will rock where ever she gets called to. While I am extremely excited for her, I am also sad. This means it will be more then two years before we can hangout again. But can you imagine the reunion?

"I have such a funny story to tell you!"