Unicorns and pansies

... And those were Danielle's famous last words before entering the MTC. She now currently resides in a bubble within a bubble within a bubble. And boy, is that bubble bound to be popped the second she feels the need to use a public squat toilet upon her arrival in the Phillipines.

I am sure that all of you brilliant Danielle Lyons blog-followers have been able to deduce that Danielle is no longer managing her own blog. You may have come to this conclusion by compiling several pieces of evidence that suggest it to be so. For example...

1) Danielle never speaks in 3rd person. She is not that arrogant.
2) Danielle knows how to post on a blog. I do not. So the fact that I may be writing this now and it has the chance of not even showing up on the internet anywhere where it is supposed to may also lead you to discern that Danielle is currently unavailable to help me with this technological trial.
3) Danielle is not allowed to use the internet. Or the radio. Or the phone. Or pants. Or steak. Because she is in the MTC.
4) Whoever is currently writing Danielle's blog in her absence has impeccable grammar and flawless spelling. That should have given it away immediately.

Although I will be managing this account and sharing secret snippets from Danielle's emails and letters for all her followers to see over the duration of these next 18 months, I have chosen to remain anonymous. My anonymity provides the opportunity for the reader to focus on the main character of this story. It also allows me to share most embarrassing things about the main character of this story without her ever finding out who it is that might have hacked into her most precious blog.

So... stay tuned. The toilet squatting, fish eating, endless sweating adventure has just begun. Calling all unicorns and pansies. Your assistance will be required.

That poet is dead...

“A man of my acquaintance once wrote a poem called "The Road Less Traveled", describing a journey he took through the woods along a path most travelers never used. The poet found that the road less traveled was peaceful but quite lonely, and he was probably a bit nervous as he went along, because if anything happened on the road less traveled, the other travelers would be on the road more frequently traveled and so couldn't hear him as he cried for help. Sure enough, that poet is dead.” 

-Lemony Snicket

I'm Leaving and Never Coming Back Again

(ok, only for 18 months but still)

I Will Miss

Sleeping In

Good Long Chats with my Sisters

FB Vents with Friends

Cafe Rio

Panda Express

Normal Food in General 

Mi Familia 

Wearing Pants

School

The English Language

My Friends

Sanitary Non-Squat  Toilets, People that Wash their Hands

But When It's the End of My Mission...

I Will Miss 

Having a Set Schedule

Good Long Chats with My Companions

Writing Letters

Fish

Rice

Strange Food in General  

Aking Mga Filipino Sa Pamilya

Pretty Dresses

Studying the Gospel in Such Depth 

My New Friends

All the Funny Moments 

I chose the road lest traveled in hopes some day all will follow. 

The Case of the Undefeated Lawyer

Before Law and Order and even before Matlock... there was another super-human lawyer, one of course that never lost and always caught the real murderer. Perry Mason. I don't know what it is about boys and Perry Mason (and Pawn Stars... but that will have to wait for another day), but my padre watches Perry Mason every night after the news and since living at home I have too... half-heartedly. It is really hard to tell characters apart when everything is in black and white. Through an (kind of)  intense study of this show I have discovered the real meaning of the law. I will now share this knowledge with you.

What I have learned from Perry Mason...

1. All the legal terminology. 

I object! (Me too!)

Counsel is leading the witness! (Blind leading the blind)

This evidence is irrelevant, inconsequential, and impartial. (Ok, I totally made up that last word, but it was another 'I" word) 

Did you or did you NOT murder this person? (Get straight to the point)

2. With a name like Hamilton Burger... you were born for failure.

3. Beware the seductive women. Whether she comes in the form of a wife, girlfriend, secretary (sexist stereotype), or lover, it doesn't matter... they usually did it. But don't worry, that chauvinistic pig of a man, who would never love them and who is now dead, had it coming! 

4. If it wasn't the seductive woman, it was the seedy looking man, who secretly either lent or embezzled  money to or from the deceased. Or was secretly in love with the seductive woman. Love triangles and money, the root of all evil.

5. It's ok to bend the rules if your client is innocent. (Hey, Mason is a lawyer, not a saint. What'd you expect?)

6. If you say, "Over my dead body!" or anything to that effect, be prepared for your character to be found dead in the next scene. You asked for it.

7. If you happen to run into the scene of the murder, don't run away or try to hide evidence... Call the police!

8. Oh, and don't touch anything, stupid!

9, Not following 7 or 8 can lead to your arrest for a crime you did not commit. 

10. So, if you DID happen stumble across a crime scene, put your fingerprints ALL over  the murder weapon, and then promptly ran away without reporting a dead body, just make sure Perry Mason is your lawyer... he only takes the innocent ones. 'Cause he never looses. You wouldn't want to ruin his perfect record.

Believe in God

Believe in God; believe that he is, 

and that he created all things, 

both in heaven and in earth:

 believe that he has all wisdom and all power,

both in heaven and in earth; 

believe that man doth not comprehend all the things 

which the Lord can comprehend. 

-Mosiah 4:9 

How Do You Do That James Bond Thing? OW!

"A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you."

-Elbert Hubbard 

So I've been having a heavy dose of nostalgia lately. Maybe it's because all my friends are in college and I am not right at the moment. Maybe because one of my best friends is currently living in Jerusalem and getting emails from her brings FLOODS of awesome and awkward memories back. Maybe it's because I just rediscovered freshmen and sophomore years' quote walls. Maybe it's because remembering the past makes me excited for the future.

In any case this WHOLE post is about memories that include Lottie. We've been friends for exactly two and a half-ish years... exactly. Freshmen year is another testament to me that God's hand has been leading my life. How else can you explain randomly signing up for housing and ending up meeting five of your best friends ever. (I have a lot of best friends, if you haven't figured that out by now). The first time I met Lottie I knew we were going to be friends. Our friendship can be logically categorized into seven areas...

1. Grocery Shopping
While I knew Lottie and I were bound to be friends, our first bonding moment was at Wal-Mart. It was just Court, Lottie, and me. Court is a very slow and indecisive shopper and Wal-Mart is a big store. So what did we do? Pestered Court together, found crazy outfits, and all-in-all reeked havoc. Insistent friendship.

We could never go to Macey's without coming back with a story and some chocolate chips. There was the time we payed for 60 cent ice cream cones with only pennies... and then the time we payed with a credit card. Not sure which time was more embarrassing.  Then there was the time we were waiting for another roommate at the front of the store, when we kept having to move to get out of people's way. The following conversation ended up on the famous quote wall...

Sorry... we're always in the way.

-me

Yeah....

-Randi Macey's Worker

To be fair to him, we hadn't even hear me and was answering someone else's question... it was just classic timing. 

The Creamery... so many memories. Midnight runs right before it closed, running from our gimpy roommate because we didn't want to buy her bread, and fake kissing stories that our roommates believed until the very last day of freshmen year. Classic.

2. People Watching in the Music Section in the Library

It should say studying...but...yeah... Anyway, we spent so much time there we could almost predict when people would show up. The mushy-recently-married-couple. The-worker-that-one-of-us-might-have-had-a-crush-on-and-it-wasn't-me. The-kid-in-our-ward-that-we-never-built-up-the-courage-to-talk-to. And many, many more. Every time Little Women or Rachmaninoff would come on, we would stop studying and just listen. And when we had been there waaaay too long we would chat over facebook or gmail chat. Come on! We were desperate! Oh, and have you ever eaten a PB&J sandwich and chocolate chips in front of the library security guard? Can you say food Nazis? Very tricky business.

3. Friday Night Activities

We usually ended up being the only ones home on Friday nights, so we made our own entertainment. Chick-flick marathons. Redecorating the apartment according to the season or holiday. Dollar movies. Window shopping at the mall. Getting lost looking for the Springville Wal-Mart. (How the heck did we end up on the wrong side of the free-way?) Making crepes or Better then... you know... cake. Eating Ben and Jerry's Half-Baked ice cream.  I think almost everything we did included ice cream. 

4. Interpretative Dancing 

Yeah... Finals really take it out of you.

5. Funny Quotes 

Just some of my favorites...

YOU'RE EATING POP-TARTS? (I swear she leaped up all of the stair in a single bound) 

Oh, I wish I was pregnant... because then I would have a reason my stomach is expanding.

Do you remember when we almost died here? I knew my time had come. (Ok, we weren't THAT close) 

There goes my life! 

(I really am not out to kill her, I promise!)

Danielle, I'm going to change my mind 

in about 10 seconds!

Now we'll all take turns beatting Danielle.

 (The violence goes both ways.)

If you ask me NOT to do something, I'm going to OBVIOUSLY do it.

(The title is also a famous quote of Lottie's. She was trying to be a spy and tumbled into the wall...) 

6. Story Time

Every day when we would come home we would always have to tell each other the funny stories that happened to us or when ever we would run into a cute guy. Most of our conversations started out, "Oh, my gosh! Guess what happened today!" We still email  back and forth anything semi-comical that happens to us. I always get giddy when I see I have an email from Lottie. Sometimes I squeal...

7. Late Night Chats

Freshman year Lottie had a designated space in Court and I's room. It was even taped off.... only Lottie could set there. Anyone else... pain of death! All three of us would stay up way too late and talk about everything. From boys to the gospel to stupid professors. My mom was actually kinda worried when we decided to become room roommates.... she was afraid neither of us would ever sleep. Ummm.... about that...

Lottie has decided to go on a mission. She will be awesome, because she already is. I mean, she's my friend right? Besides that, she will rock where ever she gets called to. While I am extremely excited for her, I am also sad. This means it will be more then two years before we can hangout again. But can you imagine the reunion?

"I have such a funny story to tell you!"